It’s been a while since I’ve blogged something and generally it’s health advice or a DIY/recipe but today I’m going to go a little deeper. I always wanted this space to be raw and real so here goes…
Im an emotional eater and this is how I’m beginning to find healing.
On the 27th of February was the anniversary of my fathers passing. During that time a lot of emotions and feelings came to front and at the same time was also involved in two toxic-one sided relationships with friends. Leading up to this I noticed I started turning to two comfort foods. Pasta (gluten) and coffee, these two can have such negative effects on me but it never happens quickly, it’s slow and gradual. It sneaks up on me and attacks at exactly the right time when I begin to lose my consciousness.
For those who don’t know I eat a high raw plant based diet; generally raw Till dinner but some days fully raw. I find healing in this lifestyle and I feel the best and most conscious me when I eat high raw.
A couple of nights ago I had some horrible nightmares, I’m An extremely vivid dreamer and I almost always remember my dreams. I’ve also learned a lot about interpreting them and looking into my subconscious of what may be coming to front or feelings/emotions I’m subduing in my everyday life. I see things about relationships, my behavior, guidance, etc. Well, I didn’t think anything of this first dream so I got up feeling rather tired, dreaming of being held hostage and trying to escape is exhausting. So, I got up and made myself a full French press of coffee (2 cups) and over the next few hours drank them.. around lunch I mashed up some avocado with some cilantro salt & pepper and that is all I ate. I really didn’t have an appetite and I hadn’t had much of one leading up, I had basically been drinking orange juice, salad and keeping it light. I tend to lose my appetite when I have emotions I’m surpressing. I randomly started getting sweaty but I wasn’t feeling hot. Then I had a horrible brush of heat go over my body so I turned my heaters off and turned my ceiling fans on and decided to sit down. Once I sat down I began feeling sick and for the next two hours it got significantly worse. I felt dizzy, disoriented, sick To my stomach and I threw up a few times, I started to feel as if I could not keep myself awake and that it would just be better if I fell asleep but I have two young children so falling asleep and leaving them unattended is a big no no. So i forced myself to stay awake,contacted my husband to get home quickly. In the meantime I felt as though I was having a semi out of body experience, I just did not feel right and begin to feel like I was going to have a seizure, it took a while to actually use my head from being so disoriented that I asked my 3 year old son to get me blueberries out of the fridge and we all sat and ate them and they were quickly gone and this cutie says to me “you need grapes mommy, I’m gonna get you grapes.” He knew something was wrong, sadly he gave me one grape before running off to his table with them. Shortly after my husband got home he quickly made me fresh squeezed orange juice. Once I started feeling better I immediately went to google scholar to find studies and just rummaging the internet to find remedies. I KNEW my blood sugar dropped and this was probably the lowest it’s ever gone. I do not have any sort of way to read my blood sugar and this does not frequently happen. I hadn’t been eating much and I’d been eating more carbs than protein AND drinking caffeine. I was consuming trigger foods.
I decided on taking magnesium and b complex and for some stupid reason told my husband to make me pasta, for some reason I couldn’t think and a lot of sources said to eat carbs and that was the first thing I could think of; thankfully this did help but wouldn’t be my go to if this ever were to happen again considering it was part of the cause.
I also found it extremely odd that most well known “mainstream” health pages recommended candy and soda but any study or natural page you went to said these things cause it and to avoid refined sugars. (Duh) That goes to show me AGAIN, how much the medical community is failing people. I highly recommend utilizing google scholar when researching topics and paying close attention to who funds these studies.
Anyways, shortly after that I made some dandelion tea with cinnamon and honey and I begin feeling dramatically better but still kind of disoriented. All three help raise and stabilize blood sugar levels naturally.
I got a little scared of falling asleep and through the entire thing I was rather quiet and in my head, trying to figure out why did I do this to myself. I’ve had this happen before; what didn’t I address the last time?
These were my thoughts.
• I connect pasta and coffee with my father. He was 100% Italian and we sure did love pasta. I started drinking coffee in my teen years to find a level of connection with my father, he was a single father who worked really hard to provide for us and by the end of the day, while we had an amazing connection, it wasn’t seen very often through these years. I was being a rebellious teen and he was more so disappointed and heartbroken. So I strongly believe I was consuming both in a way to feel a connection to him again after feeling the sharp pain of his anniversary.
• I lost control of two very hard friendships. Both were suicidal and causing self harm, both were leaning on me as emotional support and for honest health advice and I think both did not realize that I had been there, I was able to comfort them because of experience. In this time that made so much of my own past, history and pain come to front and instead of losing control of myself, I had to actually address it head on and heal from it. This was an extremely hard process. In the end I was dropped by both of these “friends” and felt used and taken advantage of. I feel both wanted someone who got it but didn’t want the help of information from my experience to grow from it, they didn’t want to change AT ALL. I don’t often emotionally invest myself in people but I did these two because I felt a connection to them and I was sorely hurt that when I actually needed a friend, I didn’t hear from either of them. This was such a learning experience and I know I’ll grow through the hurt but this directly attributed to me turning to food for comfort. These situations have made me want to stop helping people and I love Helping people and I don’t want to feel like this so I know I need to help myself first and heal from this experience.
I finally fell asleep last night and had more nightmares that I could feel my heart racing in my sleep, I woke up in sweats and asked my husband to cuddle me who then snored in my ear (eye roll) but I actually did feel very freaked out and didn’t want to fall back asleep. Eventually I did cause I was tired AF but the dreams did continue. Around 7 my youngest toddler woke up and my husband took her to spend some time with her before work and I started going through dream intetepretations and remember everything possible. Hostage. Bombing. Escaping. Running. Car with strangers. Babies in danger. Offered drugs from someone on drugs. 16. Hotel. Survival. Painting. Running. I went through all of these things and got so many answers that I know are pointing me to healing and so much direction. So for now I know my beginning steps are to care for my health, so I’m starting with food. I’ve decided to go fully raw for a few days and take a break from facebook and focus on my healing, in this time i will be posting on Instagram my process and Journey. I know in this time I need to meditate, detox negative emotions, refocus myself on my path, connecting and bonding with my children and husband, a lot of positive affirmations, journaling, yoga, id love to get out for a run even tho it’s cold but first and foremost is recovering from this drop in blood sugar. Based on many studies I already know what I need to do. No I don’t need advice, and no I don’t need to see a doctor. Recovering from this and avoiding/preventing type 2 diabetes is not complicated, it takes dedication to a plant based diet and avoiding trigger foods. I know the solution and I’m going to follow through. (Avoiding caffeine, gluten, alcohol, etc)
The last time this happened I did not acknowledge the source of seeking comfort, I didn’t have any emotional growth from it, I didn’t connect any of it and brushed it off but I’m happy to say I’ve acknowledged it and that alone shows me I’m beginning to heal and I’m ready to take this on.
This is my own story, you may not relate or care but if this resonates with you. I wish you luck. Don’t let any negative situation control you and take power or become explosive. I’ve had the words going through my head a lot “What you allow is what will continue.” Addressing a lot of this and processing emotions is a long process but I’m happy I’m able to be conscious and decipher them and grow. I hope you can too.